CHRONICLES OF SEX APPEAL

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CHRONICLES OF SEX APPEAL

he redemption that women have sought for and the confrontation that men hoped would never come!

This monday on.....here!

Chronicles of "The Ex"

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Chronicles of the Ex-Part 1

Are you engulfed by them?

Nothing scares couples more than the presence of an Ex in either one’s life. Let me just bring in my philosophical self here to explain what "Ex" is. An Ex is a person that once used to be. Simply that! Well, a bit too vast, perhaps.  A person that was once in a relationship with someone and no longer is in that relationship is an Ex to that relationship. Even if they may currently be involved in another relationship. In short, being an Ex is not a label that someone carries everywhere except only in a person's life that they have exited.

Now you will agree with me when I say nothing scares or worries your current more than your ex and here are the reasons why.

1. The Ex Improved

Have u ever noticed that it is easier to talk to your girlfriend after you break up than when you still are in relationship with her. And vice versa! Well, at least for most people, that’s the way it is.

There is a certain stereotype that almost all relationships seem to fall below. They want to play the roles of the relationship rather than relate. The boyfriend wants to ‘boyfriend’ (so to speak), the girlfriend wants to ‘girlfriend’ and same goes   with husbands and wives. They forget to be there for the relationship. In most cases, they never really even get to know each other better. Can’t even read properly each other’s body language.

 When the relationship is over and they have gone their separate ways, they meet as friends. With this change of ‘play stage’, they meet with a new freedom in an atmosphere that is not dependent on them to fulfill duty or play any roles. They get to know each other and appreciate the person they never got to know during the relationship. They laugh and criticize each other from a realistic and yet unbiased and selfless standpoint. The very thing their relationship needed to blossom but was never developed while they were together, finds manure to flourish.  With this missing link found and integrated, they accept that maybe they were not so bad after all. This is the point at which most couples get back together. And if they had moved on and formed new relationships, they are most likely to begin cheating on their currents with their EXs as ‘friends with benefit’.  If they are not strong and faithfully attached to their current relationships, that would be the death of another relationship. That is why the Ex is alien to any relationship.

The knockout: If your lover is close to their Ex as good friends, this might be a good point to start worrying! Well, they had a relationship and have just found an opportunity to build on what they couldn’t from inside. The only chance you have of surviving the pending re-engagement is if you by far, have developed your relationship better than they ever could or even can. Remember ‘ni munda wakudala’ (an old field-which is easier to plow again)

2. Till it’s gone

Have u ever noticed that couples are put separation to help recover lost flares of romance! Generally the idea is that when you are with someone, you never really see them for who they are and appreciate them for what they mean in your life! A loved quote that I see on most ladies’ info pages on Facebook reads "while you abuse your girl, there is someone out there who treating her special". Kind of freaky eh! It’s usually kind of hard to notice the difference that someone makes in your life when you do not look at your life from outside the box. When they are gone…as in really gone, it exposes your own half empty world to you. Without them, you  feel the emptiness, the space, the vacuum. You realize how special your lover was. A foolish heart will force itself to ignore this and try to move on, a broken one will try to fix it by trying to patch things up with the Ex - hopefully it won’t be too late by then.

This process works most with actual breakups. So, I am sorry to the fellows on separation, but I think separation is a waste of time. When you are on separation, your partner is not really gone, you are still tied to them and you know when they are coming back, your little grudges and hates linger when you think about them and realize that you have not really been rid of that.  You haven't lost your partner so you are not really experiencing life without them. While it is true that "distance makes the heart grow fonder", only true distance creates a vacuum in someone’s heart. Only desperate couples who wish for their lovers to come back and fulfill their roles get back via separation. You know, coz there is no one to cook at home or coz the children need their daddy kind of reasons... Nothing like, "i miss... and can't live without... coz I realize I am a wreck without...life has not been the same since you left."

Anyway, let’s get back to the discussion.

The knockout: This aspect of someone realizing that they actually need and can’t live with the person they broke up with can be a danger to the current relationship because you never know when your lover might wake up realizing that the person he/she needs is the one that they are  no longer with. The Ex!

3. Still tied by reason

When there is more than one thing that brings a couple together, it is very hard to be rid of each other after the breakup. Let’s say that the two used to be business partners and you cannot do without that person because your business relationship far exceeds any arrangements you can make with anyone else. The Ex-lover might consider not risking the business by virtue of the breakup. Therefore, the Ex will be kept close. Life has it that we tend to eventually grow fonder of the person we spend more time with and many lost lovers have been regained via existing indispensible existing connections and new ones found that way too. It is not really about how disciplined or focused you are, the heart has a way of growing into things and people and eventually, the person you despised becomes your lover because of time well spent.

The knockout: This is one thing no current wants to be faced with. The thought of the lover spending time with the Ex even just for frequent business arrangements can send a possessive lover into cardiac arrest. “Coz you never know!” If this is your situation, you have a lot to endure, probably might have a lot to lose if your lover is not careful! And if you are the lover spending time with your Ex continually, know that it is killing your relationship coz it hurts your current.

4. Was formally introduced to family

Sometimes, the previous relationship might have hit rocket heights and the lover you replace was introduced and accepted by your lover’s family. It is difficult to compete with that because someone else has set a standard for weighing the rest of you. You find that the nieces, nephews, etc. of family will constantly talk about your lover’s Ex. They probably even get excited when they see them together.  Chances are the crowd may finally gain the sweeping emotions of your lover and wash them back into the arms of the Ex. This is where you really need to get someone who is sure of what they are doing and can stand by you and for you no matter how rough the weather may get on you! These are rough waters to roll.

The knockout: You really need a lover who really loves you to survive this one! And if you are the lover who is facing this popularity pressure from family concerning your Ex,  you need to shut them up and promote your current as the more special girl/guy in your life! Stand up for what you chose and treasure it!

SO FAR

There are a lot more ex factors and situations. You can add your own examples to this list. Yes, the Ex is a source of a lot of couple contention. People fight over EXs than other things simply because an Ex is a guaranteed source of your current relationship’s failure. Remember, the two have been where you are before; they have shared a bond that cannot be broken or gotten over. That is why they call it moving on when your relationship ends and you get someone else. With time eventually, you get used to living without them and focus your strength on your current relationship.  Some people truly leave marks in our lives that cannot be erased. Whichever way life goes for you, practice living in the moment, don’t wait till relationships are over before you begin to build them. If you make the best of your current relationship, you will not need to have an ‘Ex’ problem, coz your current will not turn into one but will become your forever. 

This discussion  is far from over, If u have been in a previous relationship before meeting your current, you will agree that the major concern if the present is 'how did you breakup?'

Coming up next, we explore types of breakups and how they can affect your next relationships!

This is only a preview copy. Extensive and helpful material is available in the complete “Chronicles of ‘The Ex’ series” by Zack Rowliv KM (Coach)

Ask at http://rowliv.blogspot.com; Rowliv@gmai.com;

www.facebook.com/rowliv or  http://www.youtube.com/user/rowliv,

call or sms: mobile +260-977-260-742

© Zack Rowliv Kasalu (Family life and Youth Coach)

THE GROOMING OF THE MAN

"MEN WITH APPEAL SERIES"

I have kept you waiting for far too long, so I will get right down to business. First of all, I want to say that this is not a book neither are the tips given here a complete course. This is only to get you started. This is the top ten fundamental and this is why we have to get started right now. So, here goes…

THE TIPS

Know who you are

This is the starting point of all journeys in life. The very foundation. Knowing who you are consists of figuring out your likes, dislikes, dreams, desires, and fears. This is known as Self-awareness. Important ingredient as no girl wants a guy who has the list sense of who he is.

Figure out your strengths and weaknesses

More like an extension to (1).  Strengths consist of traits, abilities, possessions that give u the advantage or upper hand to move ahead and get what u want, weaknesses on the other hand consists of traits, handicaps, and probably habits that stand in your way of moving ahead. Once u figure the left and right side of your checklist, know how to use your strengths to your advantage and your weaknesses to learning.

Figure out the best parts of your physical looks

It does not matter how u were made. The greatest fun I had, was when I started looking for beauty in every woman who was dimmed ugly…..i found it. Either she had the cutest eyes, sweetest lips, fairest hair. The next step was to help the girl up through the league by making her make the best parts stand out…yes it worked. Within a week, she would be flooded with guys. Where did the market come from? So, that is how the game is played.  In short, u have the full power to choose what the world notices about you while u hide those hated parts and aspects by enhancing the catchy ones. Just look at how our women fool us, (if she knows she has a great bust, she will wear the kind of clothes that enhance, and it will take a while before u notice that her legs are quite a site.) learn from that.

Figure out your fashion

Not every great thing out there looks good on you. It’s not about what is nice on the display but what is nice on you. Let the man in the mirror determine what the man looking at him should wear. Clothes have to match with your height, skin colour, body build, body size, hair style…etc. If u can, come up with a style that suits u, even it does not exist internationally, neither has a label, that’s well known! And just make sure when u have it, u really dedicate to putting it on well.

NOTE: Just by changing your wardrobe, u raise your market by a whooping 35%.

Be efficient.

Try to make everything you touch turn to gold. Keep your promises; give people a reason to call upon you for a second time. There is nothing as catchy as a man any lady can trust to do what he says he will do. He will be there when he says he will. He will help where he says he can, he will not cross a boundary of romance when he says he won’t.

Be a perfectionist

However, do not look at the world as perfect coz no one is. Do not settle for giving less than u can, but still know that everybody is always less than their own standards. In short be a little hard on yourself, but know that failure can be part of the puzzle.  When you mean to do something, outdo yourself or the one before u. Try however not to pull so much of your weight. You are trying to get admiration not to frustrate people. So, do not reward yourself too much publicly. This more like the personal gauge, keep it that way!

Know when to apologize

It is tempting for a guy to be all strong, bulldoze every situation and have it your way. We are bound to cross the line and end up on the wrong. So, do yourself a favour and know how to humble yourself and get ahead. You will be surprised that you actually gain more respect and people draw closer to you because, by effect, you are considered to be realistic when you admit that you are just as human and can err. So, what you might consider a losing strategy becomes your winner.

RESPECT WOMEN

One way or the other, women control the world and so, if you can make them happy, you will get ahead much easy. You have to note though that not every rule about women work for all women. However, the cut across ones are my ‘a,b,c’ Check list below:

a)       Every woman wants to feel special. Regardless of whom this treatment comes from. So, you have to watch how you look at, talk to, and speak with them. Make every moment count and you will be surprised how quickly they begin to miss you.

b)       Do not rush women into anything. Even if they may ultimately like it. Your aim should be to attain and maintain a certain level of trust. Coz, at the end of the day, even if they like whatever you have made them do, they have a tendency to look back at how it all got to where it is and if they discover that they were driven, forced or even tricked there, they will forever live not to trust your every move. But if you let them take themselves, while you lead, they will always trust you to make the best choices in their best interest.

c)       Learn to Listen. This is where most guys have it figured out wrong. They want to talk all the way, as though they were the DJ in the relationship, affair, or friendship. You may not make a good conversationalist either but you are better off learning how to listen. It is by listening that you understand women, not by what you hear on a radio talk show or read in a book. Every woman, will tell you what she wants if you can only learn to listen more actively. It’s the best manual you could ever have tailored to each woman

BE SHARP

Be observant, be alert, be attentive, be precise, be the ultimate, be clear. Life is most often learnt as it is lived. So, play in real time. Coz there may not be enough preparation time before you face life’s challenges. Be the kind of bachelor who thinks on his feet and can live in a moment as if he was born just for that moment.

This is only a preview copy. Extensive and helpful material is available in the complete “men with appeal series” by Zack Rowliv KM (Coach)

Ask at http://rowliv.blogspot.com; Rowliv@gmai.com; www.facebook.com/rowliv

or look for rowliv http://www.youtube.com/user/rowliv, sms or call cell +260-977-260-742

© Zack Rowliv Kasalu (Family life and Youth Coach)

The National Problem Of The Zambian Youth

The biggest problem, which is national by the way, being faced by the Zambian Youth and which it has to overcome is DISUNITY. The Youth of Zambia is not united and as such it is failing to make meaningful contribution to the national growth and wellfare of the nation. The Youth of Zambia is divided along partisan lines. Any way, this is typical of multiparty systems. In systems were you have one party setups, youths are united under one umbrella of the single party. We experienced it in Zambia under the KK era of One Party Participatory Democracy. Youths had one programme which was planned by the Ministry of Youth and Sport, if I remember correctly. This is the reason why, youth revolutions succeeded in such one party systems because youths were already united and organised and easily shared sentiments. Even now we can see what is happening in the Arab World where the youth is organised under unipolitical setups. All the same, the Youth of Zambia has to do something. The Youth of Zambia must come up with a National Agenda that will address this partisan divide. (To be continued ...)

THE SEX ‘TRI’-LEMMA

(A sequel to THE SEX DILEMMA)

For once in my lifetime, I have a reason to say "it depends on where you come from."Sex, one of, if not the topmost human pleasure experience and activity and yet the most controversial and cultured aspect of almost any earthly society is the main serving of today’s discussion menu.How could one activity be so nice and yet so complex? It has the ability to bring both pain and pleasure; it can bond and separate, it can attract and also create strong repulsions.It is Physical, Emotional and Biological; a blessing and a curse. When was the last time you knew something that was so ‘all in one?’ I mean, this act in itself even has the power to relieve headaches!!Awesome eh!
The purpose of this article is to explore sex across societies and to prove that female orgasm is well tied to how sex is approached in each culture and prepared for in every society.

FOR EXAMPLE

SEX SLAVES.In some African cultures, sex is a service rendered to a husband. In short, it is all about the man. When he wants it and how he wants it. The woman has no say in the matter. Actually her very say in the matter is taboo. If she asks for it, she is 'a whore', if she displays any jaw dropping skills in bed; she is ‘probably a harlot’. In such a cultural setting it is rare to focus on pleasing the woman, coz she is only the gateway to a man’s orgasm….that’s all.
KNOWLEGE IS POWER: Upon reaching puberty, boys of Mangaia (one of the Cook Islands) are given sexual instruction - including many details of positioning, and delaying their own satisfaction so that their partner women may experience multiple orgasms. It is obvious that this society has broken the trend and focuses on mutual satisfaction. I call it mutual coz u cannot please a woman without ending up happy yourself.
IT’S JUST A BED BATTLE. In Zambia, let’s face it, Sex is like bed competition. The only reason that a man will look for libido aid drugs is that he
doesn't want to be outdone and have his reputation massacred when the women meet to discuss their sex lives. That’s because, for some reason, bad sex news has a way of traveling fast. I know this coz I have countless times spoken to men who are desperately hunting for Viagra, seven days…etc. To the average man, to hear a woman moan in bed or ultimately pass wind is a sure sign of conquest. While it may be that, because of the long lasting erection effects of the drug, the woman may eventually climax, it is not the primary aim of the man!...Mostly

CEREMONIES(AWAKENING YET OUT OF SYNC). Surprisingly, there are more growth and maturity ceremonies held for the woman than for the man. The woman is trained twice how to "handle a man": first, when her first menstrual cycle is sighted; second, just as she prepares for marriage.Then, there are smaller celebrations in which the woman is really enlightened about sex. By the time she is getting into marriage, she is an orgasm machine-a sex goddess!However the case, men remain dominant. Even if they are not equally trained for this mutual sex life. Therefore chances are the woman might not ever have the opportunity to try out what she was taught coz the man most likely steals the show and calls the shots. Wasted Ceremonies!
THE GRIM RIPPER.This thought just crossed my mind: in some African setups(particularly-most tribes in my country-Zambia) the man acts more like the grim ripper and sex is the soul, he can come home in the middle of the day, say over the lunch break period and say to his wife, "iwe! tiye kukati" (you! lets go inside). It does not matter whether she is entertaining guests, she will have to give up everything she is doing coz "the ripper" has come to get his due. No foreplay whatsoever. I should also take a moment here to mention that dry sex is preferred try by some predominant cultures. And the woman is, for fear of being tagged ‘icamenshi’(watery), forced to either sit in salt and vinegar or use herbs to tighten and make dry her vagina for her mate. One sided pleasure here again. I mean, a woman getting wet, is already her portion of pleasure but even that is also robbed from her……’ripped!’
 CANDLE LIGHT. In the western and eastern worlds, (as seen by the Indians fully expressed teachings of the ‘kama sutra’), female orgasms are ultimate intended end of the act. It’s about her. She is the only creature in the human species created to last long enough to continue with intercourse even after she has cum, and therefore should be served first. That way, the man doesn’t fall asleep through the whole event. Isn't it just logical that it should be that way? That if your candle has a tendency of burning out quickly, it should be lit last? It is a powerful knockout which not so many men can survive. Hormones are released at that point of ejaculation which induce sleep. That is why they are almost instantly knocked unconscious. Thank goodness, the Indians  came to our rescue again by teaching methods on prolonging energy(but that is not my focus right now. request for the discussion if interested) What is unique about this culture is that both come to the event to both give and take. The woman has mastered foreplay for the man and so has the man for the woman. This is unlike the usual ‘foreplay is only to make the woman ready’. The man is also taken through a preparatory foreplay.  This works for mutual benefit, since foreplay on the man will make his erection far harder and slightly larger than always is(in case u didn’t know this)

RESPONSE

After conversing with a few ladies, the conclusive collection is that women are growing tired of where culture places them, especially, when in a culture that places them below the men. They are so ready to break loose of culture and establish their own in their homes if only they can find a man who is willing to share the sentiment. Some women on the hand are fine with it, as one said to me, "that is how we are taught and that's the way it is"

CONCLUSION (for now)

Regardless of where you are raised on the human planet, you will soon realise how tied sex is to culture and how ultimately female orgasm is dependent on where you are placed in the cultures of man. It is now in your hands. Will you break free of inhibiting cultures or stay bonded? Is your husband flexible and willingto look at what will be best for your marriage or is he a spellbound, hypnotised, and staunch follower of traditions without reason? What shall your future be based on?Are you willing to put into your sex life the mutual pleasure giving ingredients as it was originally designed? This question is for men! Men with their women’s orgasms in their hands. What will you do with it today?
This is not the end…but the beginning, we will be back to this discussion soon!

 This is only a preview copy. Extensive and helpful material is available in the complete“THE SEX DILEMAN, THE SEX ‘TRI’-LEMA SERIES”by Zack Rowliv KM (Coach)

resources also include www.parentsask.com, and www.associatedcontent.com
Ask at

http://rowliv.blogspot.com, Rowliv@gmail.com;www.facebook.com/rowliv

and http://www.youtube.com/user/rowliv,   call or text +260-977-260-742

© Zack RowlivKasalu (Family life and Youth Coach)

In the Fingertips!

The philosophy is based on the question Who is really in Charge?

I was a master of my life. I could pretty much predict the next step another person was going to take. I could manipulate individuals and crowds to what I wanted them to do and none could see that what they had just done was not there will but mine! I mean, according to me.Life, the world was "ON MY FINGERTIPS". 

Then,  I thought....even deeper this time to consider: Wait a minute! ....What if.....just what if life has had me right in its fingertips and has been using me as a tool to achieve it designated goals! Probably "spoon feeding" me with the knowledge that I lived thinking I had acquired by my personal efforts. Preparing me for the end  thought I was destined. And when it finally knew that I was ready, it launched me into accomplishing the end that I though was my final act. And at the time i thought I was a hero,  I was but one of life's successfully executed tools in hand.

When I thought Life was in my fingertips, I was actually the tool in the fingertips of life being moved to accomplish what life had beforehand intended! 

So, the next time you think you are in control, try to think a little deeper as to whether we are the ones who've  gat it or its got us. Figure out who's fingertips are ruling! 

Let me bring this point home. There are the players and the played. Most often, the players think they gat the  game right on their fingertips and they never really open their eyes to see that their game  is actually playing them too! Most players are in games where they are the played and because they think they got the upper hand, deceived by their own sense of superiority never wake up to see that all their efforts are just but a consistently sustained length of "make your opponent  think their moves are the source of results"

I hope one way or the other, today's blog will open the eyes of one or two to always esteem others in high regard. You never know what they know in life and how often your attempts to outsmart always render you foolish to the onlookers!!


WHO IS IN CONTROL?

Rowliv Out!!

rowliv: Introductionsa

rowliv: Introductionsa: "Hai guys! I am, in, this is my first day and so I will try to be subtle! Basically, I like to talk about people and people issues: anything..."

Introductionsa

Hai guys! I am, in, this is my first day and so I will try to be subtle!

Basically, I like to talk about people and people issues: anything from Sexual attraction to raising children! Peer pressure, deadlines, lovemaking tips, maintaining and servicing long distance relationships and how to get the love-life you have always wanted. It will be great being here with you guys and to top it off, I come with a dangerous sense of humour! Later guys